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7. Resolutions every couple should make for a smooth-sailing relationship

The pandemic brought about a lot of changes in human lives and minds across the planet. After dealing with two rigorous years of lockdown and “new normals”, all of us have learnt to respect relationships that we hold close to our hearts and have learnt to get rid of things that don’t matter to us.

2022 is the year we all got back to what we have known as normal. If there is something we all want now, it is mental peace and happiness in our existing relationships. So let’s fasten our resolution belts and cross our hearts, striving for what matters the most – a smooth and happy relationship in 2023. Author of the book Bombay Tales and Relationship Adviser Ms Haimanti Bhattacharya shares some tips to help you navigate a healthy and smooth relationship.

#Resolution 1

To ditch the comparison demon

We have seen how the same pandemic has impacted lives differently. Some have lost it all and for some, it was a cautious vacation. Some struggled to make ends meet while some worked from different parts of the country while enjoying nature. Therefore, we have clearly understood that comparisons are not going to do us any good. We can give our best in life but what we are destined for, will come to us. “My ex would do this”, “you should learn from my friend’s partner”, “their relationship is so perfect”, “look at their life”, and “why don’t we go on a fancy vacation ever” are things that we should definitely not tell our respective partners ever because it will lead us to a fight or result in them being hurt.

When a friend describes their perfect partner or vacation, they may leave out information that could ruin our sense of perfection. When we see a mushy couple on Instagram, we do not know what is happening in their real life. Maybe that friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship but has made peace with it by trying to find happiness in fancy holidays or boasting to friends about a relationship that is in their head. The Instagram couple we idolize could be fighting after every reel they shoot. The point is that what is and what could be is something we do not know as no one gives out their real stories.

By comparing our relationship with someone else we are being foolhardy and ignoring the positives of our story. What our ex did, is in the past. Bringing that up is only going to hurt our present partner and make things difficult in our happy world. Let us focus on what we have. Why did we choose our partner? Do they still possess those qualities that melted our hearts? What are their gestures of love that makes our lives a better place? Everyone’s life and expressions of love are different. Let us accept it and compare our lives with the people who are not even fortunate enough to find a true mate and work towards strengthening our bonds.

#Resolution 2

To spend the We Time

We are all back to the grind, the busy schedules, the hectic travels and the hustle of urban life. When we come back home or go out with our partner let us keep that behind and spend that much needed - We Time. Let us keep away our phones that were our only saviours through the lockdown and spend time with each other. Let us count our blessings for surviving the pandemic, having a job or passion to follow, and having a partner and respecting it. Let us try to find out our common interests and pursue them. Only when we talk and take out time for our respective partners do we know them better and our relationships flourish. Often after the dating phase couples take each other for granted and only go out together with other friends or with their buzzing phones. Normalize date nights. It is not extra; it is what both partners need. The date to go on a drive, watch a movie or have dinner is one’s personal choice but the agenda of spending undisrupted time should be a constant.

#Resolution 3

To Apologise

More often than not we think that the fault is of our partner and therefore they should apologise to us. Once that happens, we would at least feel better and discuss the issue. At times days go by in not speaking to each other, waiting for the other person to apologise while misunderstandings and grudges grow. The word SORRY holds supreme power if used in time. So next time irrespective of whose fault it is; saying sorry will make life easier for both. Accepting the situation’s demands is as big as accepting one’s mistake. Apologies can smoothen any crease and open gates to solutions.

#Resolution 4

To Accept

Sometimes, simple acceptance that two people are different and expect different things from their lives and each other can simplify things. Acceptance of self, the way they are is one of the greatest keys to happiness. In many relationships couples struggle to be of their partner’s liking or be what is, in their head, the definition of the perfect partner. The day that struggle ends one will find happiness. Being who we are from within is way better than striving to impress our partner or chasing the notion of perfection. Similarly accepting that our partner is not perfect or tailored to our liking would ease half our problems. The struggle to change them and make them who we want them to be bothers us the maximum and most of the time yields no result. Peace lies in the acceptance of ourselves and our partners just the way it is. Adjustments are needed in any relationship and there is always scope for being a better partner but that should be a natural process rather than a forced one.

#Resolution 5

To have friends and a life

Often people depend on their partners for their happiness because their life depends on them. Their plans, their decisions and their entire lives revolve around them. This often leads to frustration if the other partner is not available sometime or gets busy with work or their friends. The desperate desire to be included in all they do encapsulate individuals to a level that fights break out for petty issues. “you didn’t want me to watch the match along with your friends”, “you don’t think I fit into your circle”, “you don’t have time for me” and so on become regular argument starters.

As much as a couple needs “We Time”, they need space to do their own thing at their own pace and with people of their liking. A relationship does not mean two intertwined individuals. Therefore, having one’s circle of friends, hobbies, interests and life pattern is crucial. The happier we are in our own space; the happier will be our relationship. Having friends to go to for advice, to go out with or have hobbies to cultivate keeps our minds busy and hearts happy. So next time instead of displaying the desperate need to do everything together, have separate plans and take a chill pill.

#Resolution 6

To Trust

All said and done this New Year swear to trust your partner every day, every time and every second. Possessiveness and trust issue are two different aspects altogether and that is the foremost important thing to understand right now and keep up for the rest of the year and then through the rest of our life. “Where are you?” and “Where exactly are you?” are two different meanings of sentences. Concern consolidates bonds, and possessiveness in accepted norms sometimes is appealing to partners as caring and sweet but having trust issues is a complete spoiler. There is absolutely no point wasting our energy in overthinking every situation and imagining our partner cheating on us, lying to us, or keeping things from us.

Repetitive interrogation makes people bitter and erodes relationships forever. Stop those thoughts at their inception and questions at their start. Incase of valid reasons for the same, it is better to have a serious conversation than be led by assumptions. If trust is an issue, then the relationship should cease to exist but otherwise not trusting one’s partner is the biggest peace disruptor which hurts and agitates both partners equally.