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7. A Life Coach’s Guide to Stop Seeking Validation

The real change happens when you stop asking ‘Will this make people see me differently?’

By Sangeeta Sharma, Certified Life coach and Hypnotherapist, Author

If you pay attention, you will see this everywhere. One friend starts a diet and soon three more friends are doing the same thing. A cousin tries a skincare product and suddenly everyone in the family wants to know where to buy it. When a partner takes up running, running becomes the thing to do.

There is nothing wrong with this. It is normal for people to influence each other. Sometimes you might ask yourself: am I doing this because I really want to, or because I want to feel noticed like someone else?

A woman client told me once she joined a gym after seeing her sister’s post about her transformation. I asked her: are you starting this because you feel like moving your body, or because you saw your sister’s post? She said she was motivated. She had wanted to look fit, feel fit for a while. I asked her to think about what she felt when she saw the post. She went quiet, then she said: like honestly? I think I want people to look the way they are looking at her now.

The real conversation starts with that answer. Feeling inspired by someone is not a bad thing. That is what gets most people started. There is a difference between motivation and seeking validation, if she can do it, so can I, and I want to do it so that I can get her praise that oh! you look great. One reason stays with you when you are alone. The other needs an audience to feel good. A simple way to check your reason is to ask yourself: if no one ever found out, would I still do this? If yes, that is what motivates you. If not, that is just seeking validation.

The same thing happens with people we admire from a distance. Someone sees a celebrity with glowing skin or a fit body and thinks: people will treat me the same way, if I look like them. This is not really about skincare or fitness. It is about wanting to be noticed and approved of. Skincare or exercise is not a problem. Wanting to look and feel good is not the problem either. The problem starts when your reason shifts from inside you to outside you.

So what actually helps, instead of copying another product or routine. Ask yourself how you are feeling before you decide what to do. Are you anxious, tired, or carrying stress? These feelings show up in your body. A tired mind can make your skin dull. A stressed body can cause breakouts or tension on your face. I once worked with a man who tried every skincare product, but nothing changed until he started a simple morning walk or ten minutes meditation. Within weeks his sleep got better, his stress eased, and his skin felt better. It's not because he treated it directly, but because he felt better overall. Your body does not separate your mind from your face. Healthy thoughts or energy leads to healthy skin. When your emotions settle and your energy is steady, your skin reflects that naturally.

The real change happens when you stop asking: will this make people see me differently, and start asking: does this make me feel like myself? You can still go for a run, try a skincare routine, or be inspired by someone you admire. None of that has to stop. What needs to stop is doing it to prove something to people who were never watching as closely as you thought. Move because your body wants it. Do this quietly and consistently for yourself, and something interesting happens. Your skin softens, your eyes look calmer, and people do notice. By then, you will not need their approval.

Cover Credits: Unsplash